The Restoration of Innocence

This luminous calla lily came through me from the dark shadows of loss and heartbreak into the light of what is born when I refuse to run from the unendurable pain of letting a relationship die. This may be the most intense of all human experiences, but what I have learned…by staying with myself and keeping my heart open in hell…is that I can do this. Even when it felt impossible. I can be my own friend through it all. I can get the help I need to find my way back to love and freedom, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how devastating it feels. I always find my way back to love. There is dignity and integrity in that, a quiet strength I carry with me wherever I go.

My Santa Barbara home, where my daughter was born, was surrounded by calla lilies. They do not blossom; they unravel, allowing tight coils to unwind into grace. Much of my life has been this unwinding: releasing wounds from childhood, school, relationships. Unwinding brings breathing room, renewal, majesty.
The trumpet shape evokes heavenly trumpets at paradise’s gates. Every calla is trumpet and gate—an announcement of arrival, invitation into heaven on earth.
White petals glow with purity; spiral form evokes resurrection, rebirth. Ancient meanings: innocence restored, holiness remembered, devotion celebrated. In weddings, marital bliss; in transition, hope and purification.
For me, loving relationship has been heaven on earth. This flower embodies that sacred union.
After the fire of loss, something tender rises…pure, luminous, alive. Like the calla emerging from dark soil, I remember: devastation is not the end. It is the fertile ground where innocence is reborn, stronger, wiser, freer.